some friends of mine at work decided to go out for drinks at mothers. it’s a pretty quaint little bar with little-to-no bells and or whistles. i was invited by alexis and the usual crew of sushi-house kids were there. we’re all so very posh. anyhoo, the missing piece to this story is alexis. alexis has been trying to get my dick inside of her since i started working at the sushi house. that was like in january. this chick is persistent. i made absolutely no plans of hooking up, especially with alexis. ‘twas not to be, not if alexis had anything to say about it. about 6 buckets, between say 7 of us, came and went. in its wake a trail severely inebriated individuals had collected. first mistake. i guess that’s kinda relative but tangents are not on the menu right now. bills were squared and the sushi house posse was outta mothers. everyone went their separate ways and alexis, who had been clutching at my arm and following me every time i went outside to smoke, asked if i would escort her to her car. being the intoxicated nice guy that i was, i obliged her. when we get to the place where her car was “parked,” much to the surprise of both of us, her car had been towed. for a split second when i realized the course of events that were about to ensue, i thought to myself that she might just be the smartest person, second to me, that i had ever met. i then realized it was quite the opposite and that she had parked in a small parking lot that was VERY clearly marked as a tow-away zone. she was quite angry and for some reason my compassion muscle was unprepared for the situation due to a lack of use. my mantra for those few minutes that she was taking in what had just happened was, “there’s a sign right there that says TOW AWAY ZONE. seriously.” she either didn’t hear me, chose to ignore me, or truly did not care. so of course she says she has no place to go. of course i offer to stay at my house. i know. so we make our way to my place. we get there and the beer goggles wear off a bit. realization sets in but at that point i was gonna get something from this girl. if nothing else, just cus it was a wednesday. i’m pretty sure it was wednesday. my buddy and his girlfriend, i think (they’re one of those couples where you never can tell), show up at my house shortly after we arrived. my buddy later pulled me to the side and said that they came just to check up on me because of alexis’ craziness. i felt like i was in that one scene in 40-year-old virgin where steve carrell is about to sleep with the nympho chick and his buddies rescue him. oddly similar. more drinks were disseminated into our little gathering and the beer goggles refastened themselves to my face with a vengeance. my buddy and his girlie left. alexis changed into my board shorts and a t-shirt and claimed her spot on my bed. small tangent: do not ever get into my bed without wiping off your fucking feet. i will kill you. i followed suit with the changing, brushed my teeth and informed alexis that the side she had claimed belonged to me and she had to move. i got into bed and alexis warned me that she was a “snuggler” and seriously invaded my personal bubble for lack of a better explanation. in a rare moment of unbridled truthfulness i told alexis straight out that no sex was to be had that night. i believe my statement, shrouded in drunkenness was something like, “we can make out or whatever, but i’m not having sex with you. we work together and i don’t want you thinking this is like an ongoing thing. like we’re not dating now because of this.” i find that when you are brutally upfront with women they react only one of 2 ways.
a) insulted - this manifests in 2 ways
>outright hurt feelings - typically yelling, crying, and generally upset, hurt and offended behavior
>non-verbalized hurt feelings - typically the talking stops almost immediately and the night is most definitely over
b) tough-girl - so as to not show that you have hurt / offended them, women will mentally strap on their penis and let you know that you don’t have to worry about them. they’re strong
alexis chose the ladder. for a little bit i thought that i had kinda screwed the pooch with my upfront-ness. i wasn’t incredibly disappointed about it either. alexis was focused though. you gotta respect her unwavering determination. she then asked if she could give me a good night kiss. cheesie girl lines are funnier than anything us guys could ever come up with. i said sure and the making out ensued. then she mounted me and started grinding. i’m pretty sure she thought that she could change my mind about the sex thing but i wasn’t having it. let me restate: i know that she wanted to change my mind because she would whisper in my ear that it was a shame that i felt the way i did about the sex thing. obviously it was not said in such an eloquent way but you get me. i’m pretty sure my erection communicated to her that i was ready for something. she wasn’t leaving without taking something. it was then that the 9 most satisfying words were uttered, “i guess i can just give you a blowjob.” i said ok because i mean what do you say to that? exactly. so before the main event got underway she informed me that i was lucky because she was very good with all the sucking of the dick. funny looking back on it now just because, i dunno. who says that? in mid-blowjob she then informed that she swallows. my response again was ok. right before i came i grabbed the back of her head and got a little too carried away. the funniest situation of my entire life, to date, followed right after. she gagged, coughed a little and told me in a very calm voice, “ok you can’t do that.” i apologized then finished then smoked then slept.
the next morning was a walk of shame for me as much as for her. i took her to get her car from car jail and that was that. she has contacted me a few times since but i refuse to let that happen again. we all went to mothers to watch the ufc fight last night and she showed up with 2 friends, one of which was kinda pretty. that’s all until my next experience.
i thought for a while that I wanted you back here with me.
i realized this was a selfish wish
i realized i am a selfish person
i realize(d) you will do more not being here
i have made changes in life that i know you would be proud of
i have fallen short in certain situations which i know you would not be proud of
i have your jewelry and things that will remind me of you for years to come
sometimes i see your face when i dream
most times i see your face in the mirror when i smile
i here you when i sneeze, repeatedly
i think of you when i identify myself as puerto rican
i think of you when i decide what to wear in the morning
i think of you when i go to class after working an 8 hour shift and then work my second job after class
i think of you when i cook rice and beans and ________
i still cry that you’re gone but i hope that you look down and see that i’m only as good as you made me. my faults are my own doing
your shoes have been incredibly hard to fill and i don’t think i will ever be able to
i am happy
i carry regret
i am still happy
if my shoulders are broad enough to carry this load, it’s only because i’m pretending to be you.
i don’t wish you were back here.
i wish you had never left.
i wish you could be the best man at my wedding.
i wish you could be there on my graduation day.
i wish i could have somehow expressed to you how important you were to me.
i wish you could be there to see the man I’m going to become
[video]
it has been a while but fear not, i’ve been documenting offline and i’ll be posting the past couple weeks pretty soon. keish is a bitch. more about that later
today wasn’t anything special. alex has been sick since yesterday and i think i may have caught his fucking sickness. fuckity fuck.
alex and i hung out on campus and put some work into the t-shirt pressing business we’re looking to develop here soon. i have gotten some decent responses to some of the designs that we’ve put together. get your 15 bux ready bitches.
i saw joanne today, we have a class together. i forgot how cute she was. joanne’s dating someone now so the random hookups are out of the question but she’s one of those girls that’s better than random dirtiness. i hate when i meet girls like her.
alex and i have been thoroughly enjoying college life as of late. video games, beer, young women, more beer and generally doing whatever the fuck we want to do. all days ending in Y tend to be comprised of these activities.
the University of Florida has more 20-something, beautiful women walking its campus then i have ever seen in one place, ever. honestly, i have walked on campus before and not been able to wipe the smile from my face. said it’s great to be a florida gator
i’ve yet to get laid on campus but the new job at the sushi restaurant has brought me 2 separate exhibitionist experiences. camey was a very hot blonde waitress that was turned on by the cold (wtf?) temperature in the walk-in freezer. so that was really weird and uncomfortable but i mean i can say i had sex in a freezer. can you? the other was more innocent and i won’t mention her name cus I actually kinda enjoyed her company for a few days. she was pretty bland in bed but she cooked for me. i dunno what it is but ladies that cook are like the holy grail. i feel like all ladies say they can cook but few of them actually can. i’ve dated girls that have said they cook incredibly well and when push comes to shove, they have served me chicken that was pink on the inside. that shit’s not cool. this one wasn’t like that but she had kids and that just gets messy. she was a senior waitress at the sushi place and long story short: she has been there longer than i have, I’m sure i pissed her off by fucking her a couple times and then fucking another of the waitresses, she will undoubtedly speak to management soon and get me fired. fuck it. my friend works at cracker barrel and she said she could get me a job.
hopefully this t-shirt thing works out. i dunno. I’m more concerned with the piece of ass i’ll be enjoying next. i find myself in the midst of an onslaught of potential pussy coming at me left and right. there are way too many options for me to make a responsible decision at this point. who knows. friends of friends have even shown up with a look of interest in their eyes. now with the new ones i meet at school day-to-day, i have a lot on my plate
Employment: Senior Web & Graphic Designer, Pretentious Sushi Restaurant Host, Full-Time University of Florida Student and Full-Time Drunken Hook-Up Professional (References available upon request)
[video]
you ever wonder why we celebrate the beginning of a new year? we make these silly “resolutions” that really never hold up. three hundred and sixty five fucking days is a very long time. long enough to make the somewhat impulsive decision, which we decide will dictate the next year of our lives, to gracefully (not so?) get lost in the shuffle.
new fucking apartment, new fucking friends, new fucking college, new fucking fuckity-fuck-fuck.
i resolute like a champion. match me
verbal masturbation.
it’s kinda early afternoon or so and i’m still not entirely sure what the deal is going to be tonight. i know two things. (1) i will drink. (2) i will insert my penis into some woman that will hopefully be at least somewhat physically attractive. there’s a graph that looks like an X when describing the hotness of girl i will hook up while i am drunk. one line is the alcohol content of my blood, the other is the attractiveness of the woman I will be doing things with. the line that is headed upward, obviously, is the alcohol. the line headed downward is, well, i think you get the picture. hopefully I hit the equilibrium before things go (too) bad. i’m gonna wash my ass and get a decent helping of food to prepare for this evening. i got 10 bux says keish calls.
happy new years bitches
no calls from keisha today but no worries. i’m still waiting on a call back from the sushi restaurant but I have a good feeling. i talked to a couple of the people that work there and apparently on busy nights, you’ll be looking at $500 for the night. serious business. positive thinking bitches.
the end of the year will be upon us tomorrow. keisha mentioned something about i-don’t-know-what. i’m thinking downtown. downtown or maybe who the fuck knows. wherever there’s beer, eduard will appear. i’m a poet to the collective fuck-faces of the world that use hyphens to join numerous words whereby creating adjectives. or i guess nouns for that matter. go fuck yourself
at some point it leads to full on phone sex. sometimes 2 hours worth which can leave you a little sore the next day
james was spending christmas with jerrod’s family this year so I borrowed his car and drove up to tampa to see my dad. my younger brother and sister live with him and his new wife. it was good times. dad was disappointed that james couldn’t make it but my dad loves jerrod too so he didn’t guilt james too much.
dad got me some stuff for the new apartment which made me quite happy. long story short, i got back to gainesville on friday night. i unloaded all of my stuff from james’ car, a mini cooper (you’d be surprised what you can fit in that little son of a bitch), and had a few beers to celebrate the triumphant return home. keisha had called me a couple of times while i was away but I chose not to answer. when I say she called a couple of times, i mean she called 2 times. it appeared that keisha was all but done with me but I figured i’d give it one last shot.
it didn’t take much honestly. i’m pretty sure that the only reason it was so easy was because keish was hard up for a lay. whatever it was, the usual course of events took place: sex, sleep, breakfast. and a happy fucking new yearrrrrrr
monday and tuesday were spent doing basically nothing but recuperating from the weekend with james and jerrod. I was finally able to tell (brag to) james about what happened. needless to say both james and jerrod were stunned. their reaction was nothing more than a diluted version of the intense ego boost i experienced when jerrod informed me that i had been done by one of the richest and most powerful women in Miami. google confirmed these allegations and i’m pretty sure that i couldn’t feel my face when i realized whose dried cum i washed from myself in that hotel bathroom. jerrod insisted that i call her and was quite disappointed that i had failed to get her phone number after just being used up and left in the convention center. i bet he just wanted a shopping buddy. oh jerrod