i thought for a while that I wanted you back here with me.
i realized this was a selfish wish
i realized i am a selfish person
i realize(d) you will do more not being here
i have made changes in life that i know you would be proud of
i have fallen short in certain situations which i know you would not be proud of
i have your jewelry and things that will remind me of you for years to come
sometimes i see your face when i dream
most times i see your face in the mirror when i smile
i here you when i sneeze, repeatedly
i think of you when i identify myself as puerto rican
i think of you when i decide what to wear in the morning
i think of you when i go to class after working an 8 hour shift and then work my second job after class
i think of you when i cook rice and beans and ________
i still cry that you’re gone but i hope that you look down and see that i’m only as good as you made me. my faults are my own doing
your shoes have been incredibly hard to fill and i don’t think i will ever be able to
i am happy
i carry regret
i am still happy
if my shoulders are broad enough to carry this load, it’s only because i’m pretending to be you.
i don’t wish you were back here.
i wish you had never left.
i wish you could be the best man at my wedding.
i wish you could be there on my graduation day.
i wish i could have somehow expressed to you how important you were to me.
i wish you could be there to see the man I’m going to become
