eduard.is.learning

alexis

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 10:48:00 -0400

some friends of mine at work decided to go out for drinks at mothers. it’s a pretty quaint little bar with little-to-no bells and or whistles. i was invited by alexis and the usual crew of sushi-house kids were there. we’re all so very posh. anyhoo, the missing piece to this story is alexis. alexis has been trying to get my dick inside of her since i started working at the sushi house. that was like in january. this chick is persistent. i made absolutely no plans of hooking up, especially with alexis. ‘twas not to be, not if alexis had anything to say about it. about 6 buckets, between say 7 of us, came and went. in its wake a trail severely inebriated individuals had collected. first mistake. i guess that’s kinda relative but tangents are not on the menu right now. bills were squared and the sushi house posse was outta mothers. everyone went their separate ways and alexis, who had been clutching at my arm and following me every time i went outside to smoke, asked if i would escort her to her car. being the intoxicated nice guy that i was, i obliged her. when we get to the place where her car was “parked,” much to the surprise of both of us, her car had been towed. for a split second when i realized the course of events that were about to ensue, i thought to myself that she might just be the smartest person, second to me, that i had ever met. i then realized it was quite the opposite and that she had parked in a small parking lot that was VERY clearly marked as a tow-away zone. she was quite angry and for some reason my compassion muscle was unprepared for the situation due to a lack of use. my mantra for those few minutes that she was taking in what had just happened was, “there’s a sign right there that says TOW AWAY ZONE. seriously.” she either didn’t hear me, chose to ignore me, or truly did not care. so of course she says she has no place to go. of course i offer to stay at my house. i know. so we make our way to my place. we get there and the beer goggles wear off a bit. realization sets in but at that point i was gonna get something from this girl. if nothing else, just cus it was a wednesday. i’m pretty sure it was wednesday. my buddy and his girlfriend, i think (they’re one of those couples where you never can tell), show up at my house shortly after we arrived. my buddy later pulled me to the side and said that they came just to check up on me because of alexis’ craziness. i felt like i was in that one scene in 40-year-old virgin where steve carrell is about to sleep with the nympho chick and his buddies rescue him. oddly similar. more drinks were disseminated into our little gathering and the beer goggles refastened themselves to my face with a vengeance. my buddy and his girlie left. alexis changed into my board shorts and a t-shirt and claimed her spot on my bed. small tangent: do not ever get into my bed without wiping off your fucking feet. i will kill you. i followed suit with the changing, brushed my teeth and informed alexis that the side she had claimed belonged to me and she had to move. i got into bed and alexis warned me that she was a “snuggler” and seriously invaded my personal bubble for lack of a better explanation. in a rare moment of unbridled truthfulness i told alexis straight out that no sex was to be had that night. i believe my statement, shrouded in drunkenness was something like, “we can make out or whatever, but i’m not having sex with you. we work together and i don’t want you thinking this is like an ongoing thing. like we’re not dating now because of this.” i find that when you are brutally upfront with women they react only one of 2 ways.

a) insulted - this manifests in 2 ways
>outright hurt feelings - typically yelling, crying, and generally upset, hurt and offended behavior
>non-verbalized hurt feelings - typically the talking stops almost immediately and the night is most definitely over

b) tough-girl - so as to not show that you have hurt / offended them, women will mentally strap on their penis and let you know that you don’t have to worry about them. they’re strong

alexis chose the ladder. for a little bit i thought that i had kinda screwed the pooch with my upfront-ness. i wasn’t incredibly disappointed about it either. alexis was focused though. you gotta respect her unwavering determination. she then asked if she could give me a good night kiss. cheesie girl lines are funnier than anything us guys could ever come up with. i said sure and the making out ensued. then she mounted me and started grinding. i’m pretty sure she thought that she could change my mind about the sex thing but i wasn’t having it. let me restate: i know that she wanted to change my mind because she would whisper in my ear that it was a shame that i felt the way i did about the sex thing. obviously it was not said in such an eloquent way but you get me. i’m pretty sure my erection communicated to her that i was ready for something. she wasn’t leaving without taking something. it was then that the 9 most satisfying words were uttered, “i guess i can just give you a blowjob.” i said ok because i mean what do you say to that? exactly. so before the main event got underway she informed me that i was lucky because she was very good with all the sucking of the dick. funny looking back on it now just because, i dunno. who says that? in mid-blowjob she then informed that she swallows. my response again was ok. right before i came i grabbed the back of her head and got a little too carried away. the funniest situation of my entire life, to date, followed right after. she gagged, coughed a little and told me in a very calm voice, “ok you can’t do that.” i apologized then finished then smoked then slept.

the next morning was a walk of shame for me as much as for her. i took her to get her car from car jail and that was that. she has contacted me a few times since but i refuse to let that happen again. we all went to mothers to watch the ufc fight last night and she showed up with 2 friends, one of which was kinda pretty. that’s all until my next experience.

learned: do not sleep with/hookup with coworkers

the best I can do. there's no direct line of communication

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 02:38:00 -0500

i thought for a while that I wanted you back here with me.

i realized this was a selfish wish
i realized i am a selfish person
i realize(d) you will do more not being here

i have made changes in life that i know you would be proud of
i have fallen short in certain situations which i know you would not be proud of

i have your jewelry and things that will remind me of you for years to come

sometimes i see your face when i dream

most times i see your face in the mirror when i smile

i here you when i sneeze, repeatedly

i think of you when i identify myself as puerto rican
i think of you when i decide what to wear in the morning
i think of you when i go to class after working an 8 hour shift and then work my second job after class
i think of you when i cook rice and beans and ________

i still cry that you’re gone but i hope that you look down and see that i’m only as good as you made me. my faults are my own doing

your shoes have been incredibly hard to fill and i don’t think i will ever be able to

i am happy
i carry regret
i am still happy

if my shoulders are broad enough to carry this load, it’s only because i’m pretending to be you.

i don’t wish you were back here.
i wish you had never left.
i wish you could be the best man at my wedding.
i wish you could be there on my graduation day.
i wish i could have somehow expressed to you how important you were to me.

i wish you could be there to see the man I’m going to become

yeah.

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:36:29 -0500

yeah.

soon-to-not-be sushi host? the barrel will love me

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:14:00 -0500

it has been a while but fear not, i’ve been documenting offline and i’ll be posting the past couple weeks pretty soon. keish is a bitch. more about that later

today wasn’t anything special. alex has been sick since yesterday and i think i may have caught his fucking sickness. fuckity fuck.

alex and i hung out on campus and put some work into the t-shirt pressing business we’re looking to develop here soon. i have gotten some decent responses to some of the designs that we’ve put together. get your 15 bux ready bitches.

i saw joanne today, we have a class together. i forgot how cute she was. joanne’s dating someone now so the random hookups are out of the question but she’s one of those girls that’s better than random dirtiness. i hate when i meet girls like her.

alex and i have been thoroughly enjoying college life as of late. video games, beer, young women, more beer and generally doing whatever the fuck we want to do. all days ending in Y tend to be comprised of these activities.

the University of Florida has more 20-something, beautiful women walking its campus then i have ever seen in one place, ever. honestly, i have walked on campus before and not been able to wipe the smile from my face. said it’s great to be a florida gator

i’ve yet to get laid on campus but the new job at the sushi restaurant has brought me 2 separate exhibitionist experiences. camey was a very hot blonde waitress that was turned on by the cold (wtf?) temperature in the walk-in freezer. so that was really weird and uncomfortable but i mean i can say i had sex in a freezer. can you? the other was more innocent and i won’t mention her name cus I actually kinda enjoyed her company for a few days. she was pretty bland in bed but she cooked for me. i dunno what it is but ladies that cook are like the holy grail. i feel like all ladies say they can cook but few of them actually can. i’ve dated girls that have said they cook incredibly well and when push comes to shove, they have served me chicken that was pink on the inside. that shit’s not cool. this one wasn’t like that but she had kids and that just gets messy. she was a senior waitress at the sushi place and long story short: she has been there longer than i have, I’m sure i pissed her off by fucking her a couple times and then fucking another of the waitresses, she will undoubtedly speak to management soon and get me fired. fuck it. my friend works at cracker barrel and she said she could get me a job.

hopefully this t-shirt thing works out. i dunno. I’m more concerned with the piece of ass i’ll be enjoying next. i find myself in the midst of an onslaught of potential pussy coming at me left and right. there are way too many options for me to make a responsible decision at this point. who knows. friends of friends have even shown up with a look of interest in their eyes. now with the new ones i meet at school day-to-day, i have a lot on my plate

Employment: Senior Web & Graphic Designer, Pretentious Sushi Restaurant Host, Full-Time University of Florida Student and Full-Time Drunken Hook-Up Professional (References available upon request)

these are going to be the best years of my life

some people are so talented it makes me want to stop playing...

Wed, 14 Jan 2009 23:03:30 -0500

some people are so talented it makes me want to stop playing music.

news years eve?

Wed, 31 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

you ever wonder why we celebrate the beginning of a new year? we make these silly “resolutions” that really never hold up. three hundred and sixty five fucking days is a very long time. long enough to make the somewhat impulsive decision, which we decide will dictate the next year of our lives, to gracefully (not so?) get lost in the shuffle.

new fucking apartment, new fucking friends, new fucking college, new fucking fuckity-fuck-fuck.
i resolute like a champion. match me

verbal masturbation.
it’s kinda early afternoon or so and i’m still not entirely sure what the deal is going to be tonight. i know two things. (1) i will drink. (2) i will insert my penis into some woman that will hopefully be at least somewhat physically attractive. there’s a graph that looks like an X when describing the hotness of girl i will hook up while i am drunk. one line is the alcohol content of my blood, the other is the attractiveness of the woman I will be doing things with. the line that is headed upward, obviously, is the alcohol. the line headed downward is, well, i think you get the picture. hopefully I hit the equilibrium before things go (too) bad. i’m gonna wash my ass and get a decent helping of food to prepare for this evening. i got 10 bux says keish calls.

happy new years bitches

nothing really.

Tue, 30 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

no calls from keisha today but no worries. i’m still waiting on a call back from the sushi restaurant but I have a good feeling. i talked to a couple of the people that work there and apparently on busy nights, you’ll be looking at $500 for the night. serious business. positive thinking bitches.

the end of the year will be upon us tomorrow. keisha mentioned something about i-don’t-know-what. i’m thinking downtown. downtown or maybe who the fuck knows. wherever there’s beer, eduard will appear. i’m a poet to the collective fuck-faces of the world that use hyphens to join numerous words whereby creating adjectives. or i guess nouns for that matter. go fuck yourself

text sex (cont'd)

Mon, 29 Dec 2008 11:33:08 -0500

at some point it leads to full on phone sex. sometimes 2 hours worth which can leave you a little sore the next day

wednesday>> christmas eve - present

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 23:01:00 -0500

james was spending christmas with jerrod’s family this year so I borrowed his car and drove up to tampa to see my dad. my younger brother and sister live with him and his new wife. it was good times. dad was disappointed that james couldn’t make it but my dad loves jerrod too so he didn’t guilt james too much.

dad got me some stuff for the new apartment which made me quite happy. long story short, i got back to gainesville on friday night. i unloaded all of my stuff from james’ car, a mini cooper (you’d be surprised what you can fit in that little son of a bitch), and had a few beers to celebrate the triumphant return home. keisha had called me a couple of times while i was away but I chose not to answer. when I say she called a couple of times, i mean she called 2 times. it appeared that keisha was all but done with me but I figured i’d give it one last shot.

it didn’t take much honestly. i’m pretty sure that the only reason it was so easy was because keish was hard up for a lay. whatever it was, the usual course of events took place: sex, sleep, breakfast. and a happy fucking new yearrrrrrr

monday n tuesday before christmas

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 22:55:37 -0500

monday and tuesday were spent doing basically nothing but recuperating from the weekend with james and jerrod. I was finally able to tell (brag to) james about what happened. needless to say both james and jerrod were stunned. their reaction was nothing more than a diluted version of the intense ego boost i experienced when jerrod informed me that i had been done by one of the richest and most powerful women in Miami. google confirmed these allegations and i’m pretty sure that i couldn’t feel my face when i realized whose dried cum i washed from myself in that hotel bathroom. jerrod insisted that i call her and was quite disappointed that i had failed to get her phone number after just being used up and left in the convention center. i bet he just wanted a shopping buddy. oh jerrod

tardiness

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 22:18:00 -0500

it has been almost a week. 5 days from miami, 2 days from tampa. 2 days here in gainesville trying to clock enough hours for Unicorp so I can cover the deposit on my new apartment. work’s done now though. beer and who knows. i’m going to piece together these last few days. the dismantling continues

joanne

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

joanne

text sex?

Wed, 24 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

joanne: Merry Christmas Eve!
me: merry christmas eve joanne
me: how're you doing?
joanne: I'm good. Watching the grinch now. :) How're you?
me: not too shabby. ur not drunk this evening?
joanne: Nope. Guess I'm not too interesting to talk to now ;-P
me: haha not true. just not as provocative
joanne: Trust me. I'm feeling pretty provocative now anyways. Haha
me: the grinch does it for you?
joanne: You bet ;-) lol. No, i think it's the meds, but i've been feeling provocative pretty much constantly
me: haha well that's kind of hot
joanne: Just my birth control. And tell me about it, I know just how hot it is
me: you don't
joanne: I don't? Well for what I'm feeling it must be pretty hot
me: i think so. i'm actually physically hot right now. my dad isn't running the a/c
me: i usually wear board shorts to bed but i'm stuck in boxers
joanne: Oh. I suppose we're talking about 2 different types of hot. I have a blanket though. boxers? :) i think you're just trying to fuel my fire
me: just making an observation.
me: not true. i am fueling your fire
joanne: I know.
joanne: I went to Victoria's Secret and bought some new clothes "just in case." It's sad actually since there is no occasion to wear them.
me: no occasion?
joanne: There is no one worth an "occasion" around here
me: im sorry. is the 24/7 hotness recent?
joanne: About a week or so
me: you start doing something different?
joanne: Nope. I've not been doing a lot of something for quite some time now
me: thats not good. well i guess if worse comes to worse, you can always take care of hotness on your own
joanne: Yeah. It's not the same though
me: i agree
joanne: I hope you know you've made my problem like a billion times worse just talking about this
me: likewise
joanne: Good. At least I'm not the only one.
me: you just want me to be here to share provocative texts with you. lay some hotness on me
joanne: I haven't? I thought I was by telling you about my sex clothes.
me: continue
joanne: My favorite positions are cowgirl and doggy-style.
joanne: I'm kind of a biter too. Only when I get over-excited though and not too hard
me: mmmm. those are 2 of my favorites as well. i've come to find that the arch in the girl's back is the key to climax.
joanne: I think you're right.
me: and biting is my thing
me: are you one of those girls that doesn't like getting head?
joanne: Lol. Actually, yeah. I've never had it done where I enjoyed it
me: that's something we'll have to remedy
joanne: Confidence
me: when was this last time where you didn't enjoy it?
joanne: It was like in 11th grade and I don't remember what made it so bad
joanne: I would assume that you like receiving?
me: that's kind of like a statement with a question mark at the end. yes. i like receiving very much.
joanne: I feel relieved now.
me: whys that?
joanne: I just relieved some pent-up tension.
me: you ran it solo?
joanne: Not in my mind.
me: i arrived as well
me: merry christmas
joanne: Good. I got half of exactly what I wanted. No sex, which kinda sucks, but I got to the point I wanted.
me: likewise
me: alright kid i'm gonna hit the hay. take care
joanne: oh ok. good night

the back-story here is that joanne had called me a few nights before to tell me she was drunk. she then proceeded to tell me erotic things about herself as well as her past experiences. i wasn't innocent in this little exchange. i brought most of it out of her

marina.

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 21:52:00 -0500

marina.

sunday, fucking sunday

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:27:00 -0500

avoid this post if you’re easily offended

sunday began pretty fucking early. james and I woke up, drove around, and within an hour, i had a new apartment. james helped me out on the deposit and i’m waiting on the final word from my new landlord.

it was now about 11am and james had to head back down to miami. he insisted on my company for that dreadful 5 hour drive (understandable).

we arrived in miami at about 4. it would have been much earlier but we stopped for lunch. turnpike rest stop food is never as good as your stomach convinces you it will be.

james and i made our way up to his apartment, located in downtown miami close to brickell on the 14th floor (that’s right my brother’s the shit). james dropped his bags and immediately was on the phone and computer organizing details for the event later that night at the Raleigh, a pretentious south beach hotel bar where gold falls from the ceilings and the concierges all poop starbursts. it’s just that sassy. so I decided to head down to my local guitar center to play their demo drum set (one of my favorite things to do in the world). i always feel like a stud when I get up from the set dripping sweat, walk over to the guy at the desk who i am sure is expecting me to buy something, and simply giving him back the drumsticks and leaving. chances are they hate me.

james has this ridiculous grace under fire / pressure. i got back to the apartment and james already had some of the small-time models that were hired to keep the crowd going at the event that night. it was about 8 now and the event didn’t start until 11 or so. 2 things were possible. these stupid girls had absolutely no life, or james needed them to prepare for 3 hours to be semiprofessional hot / loose girls. whatever.

of course i tried my hand at 3 of them. i was still kinda sweat soaked but my confidence was flying pretty high. no go. being james’ brother has yet to get me laid but i guess this was the first time i had ever tried to pull that card.

i showered and found that keisha had texted me. it didn’t even cross my mind to respond. the girls were starting to drink so i thought it would only be a matter of time. i got dressed and kinda had a weird moment where i just listened to everything going on in the apartment. the stupid girls with their vapid conversation and disgusting excuse for music, james and his crazy hands-free wha-cha-ma-jiggy droning on about the minutia concerning the event. i realized i was pretty lucky and that this could be a scene in a movie. maybe i should be a movie star.

i was right about the girls getting loose with the alcohol. i went back into the living room (now an impromptu dance floor for all intents and purposes) and made myself a scotch. i started dancing with kara and before i knew it we were listening to some fucking new hip hop bullshit (i love older hip hop but the new stuff is just sickening [in my humble opinion]). i was willing to over look the music as kara had the most beautiful ass I had ever seen and said beautiful ass was being rubbed against my crotch to the beat of this new ludacris the fuckface jam. i had a brick of a hard-on and i know she felt it. she kept going though. before i could work my way into kara, james comes out all dressed up and states, “we’re leaving.”

damn you james.

before we left i made some excuse so that i could change my boxers as kara’s provocative dance left me with precum in my pants. fucking kara.

i could go on about the whole drive and how i came close to getting blown by kara in the limo but it didn’t happen so let’s skip it.

being at the raleigh for about an hour now, it was midnight and most of the south beach elite had arrived / were arriving. son of a bitch. you really have no idea what it was like.

being james’ brother, i had a trump card that everyone knew about and i abused it. why the fuck not? these people had their heads so far up one another’s asses it was laughable at best. whether it was because of kara’s actions earlier or not, i also had a set of melon sized balls resting in my scrotum that night. i made my way into the dj booth and found an acoustic guitar. being just drunk enough, i actually tried to convince the dj to cut the music so i could play a little acoustic diddy guaranteeing me some ass. my trump card was not going to trump this situation but i caught the eye of this amazing woman at some ridiculously lame VIP table. once i realized the dj was not going to let me stop the dance music for an ego massage, i made my way to the bar. i know, shocking.

my laziness makes me adore a woman who is aggressive and fucking goes for it. marina certainly did. she made her way to the bar and let me know that she drinks hibiscus swizzles, nearly giving me an aneurism while i tried to figure out what exactly she was talking about. i ordered the woman her drink. she said nothing. she took a sip, placed the cup down on the bar and reached over lightly grasping the back of my neck. whispering (as much as you can whisper in a bar /club) in my ear she said, “i just held a conference at the National and i still have the key to the convention center.” my dick twitched and i grabbed her hand and proceeded to lead her out of the hotel. she immediately dropped my hand and continued walking. odd i thought at the time but this seems to be the way marina operates. a real type-A kinda lady. following her like a puppy, someone punch me the next time you see me for doing this, we made our way to the national. marina must have been pretty fucking well to do because not one person at the national asked us what we were doing there or if they could help us. the convention center doors opened and i walked in and felt like i was in a dream. marina locked the huge double-doors which was a little startling at first and then lead me to the main podium (really it was just an incredibly long table that spanned the entire front of the convention center. when i tell you this place was huge i mean that every footstep would echo 4 or 5 times when i would walk). for a second i felt like i was being lead to the slaughter because the podium was kind of like a huge monument /sacrificial table at the head of this room.

brace yourselves.

marina threw me up against the table and began undressing me simultaneously kissing / biting me. definitely assault under any other circumstances. i returned the favor but when i would go for her dress she would smack my hand away. it was quite the struggle. she stripped me down to my boxers, thank god i changed them earlier, and laid me down on the podium. she removed her dress leaving just panties (her breasts were spectacular enough as to not require any bra). she mounted me and began kind of teasing me with rubbing and such. while this was going on she had my arms pinned back. it was quite the gender-role reversal i’d say. she then grabbed the back of my neck, getting up and leaning back pulling my face into her “area.” i was like the bitch. long story short, i made her cum once that way and then proceeded to do the same in a more traditional way another 2 times. the whole time we were going at it, I was only in control when she allowed it. at one point I even tried to wrestle the power away from her which caused us to fall from the podium to the ground but i shit you not, it was as if nothing happened. she retained control and my face tingled as she brought to ‘el fin’ of our little dirty interaction. if i’m being honest, i’d say it was demeaning and unbelievably hot at the same time. i don’t really remember wearing a condom but i assume she took care of that too.

fucking wow. that was unbelievable. i think i was still laying in the post-coital position with what i felt like rug burns on my back (turns out it was a healthy mixture of rug burns and scratch marks) when i realized it was time to go. marina was done. i knew she had a good time as i was still soaked in the proof. that was irrelevant to her though. she got dressed and made her way out of the convention center. there’s a strong possibility that i passed out for a little bit because i remember kinda waking from a daze, naked on the floor of this fucking room still reflecting on what just transpired. she was long gone

i picked myself up, got dressed, left the room and headed for the bathroom. i found a handicap stall with a sink n mirror in it secluded from prying eyes and washed myself off. thank god i’m not a particularly sensitive person because even with my world-renowned emotional callousness, i still felt a little used & discarded. <br>of course now being without marina, every dickface that worked at the national asked me if i was lost and how they could help me.

i made my way back to the Raleigh where I found james and jarrod outside of the club dancing for some reason. james was blasted and it looked like jarrod was rapidly catching up. we met up and i started to try to explain to james what just happened but he was so out of it that he was yelling as though we were still inside the club. the event was over, i assumed because james never has more than one drink when he’s working. i confirmed with jarrod who was hanging on to the last threads of sobriety left within him.

i called us a cab. we went home.

for some reason, kara showed up at 4 in the morning with running mascara and some fucked up hair. jarrod and james were locked in james’ room and my buzz was wearing off as i watched some documentary on religion on the history channel. anyways, kara invited herself in, no doubt looking to score. i obliged her but it was really nothing to write home about. she cried afterward saying something about feeling used. fucking kara. i fixed us a couple of drinks and goddamnit, before I knew it the sun was up. kara finally passed out, i showered again and fell asleep on the couch because the mere sight of kara was making me feel crummy. sleeping (trying to), drunk with the sun coming up is a fucking nightmare.

i couldn’t make this shit up if i wanted to

saturday minus standard awesomeness

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 13:16:30 -0500

saturday left me with sore muscles on sunday. moving all that goddamn shit out of that room was painful. it’s done now and all my belongings reside in alex’s living room. james and i were so tired that we couldn’t attend noel’s party that night. we wound up drinking yeungling and watching tv til pretty late. not exactly an action packed saturday evening

"right now: write, cigarette, guitar, repeat"

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 13:12:14 -0500

“right now: write, cigarette, guitar, repeat”

- me - my mom called and asked what i was doing

keisha - come on does she look fucking 32 to you? it was an...

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:54:45 -0500

keisha - come on does she look fucking 32 to you? it was an honest mistake that could have happened to anyone. i was a victim of circumstance

keisha: encounter II

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:42:00 -0500

james made his way up to gainesville to help with the move. it all went well. aside from the worrying about my new landlord finding out about my bounced check last month to my old landlord, I should be all in. new apartment, new life, new surroundings, same venue, same general area; a weird mixture indeed. james decided I needed to get out of gainesville for a few days and kidnapped me to miami. that was 2 days ago but let’s cover the night before my kidnapping.

keisha decided that she would contact me Friday. at first I thought it might be because of this bloggy blog but such was not the case. i held out, she caved. cause and effect really explains everything. I was on my way to the supermarket and who should happen to invite themselves but the keish-meister. i welcomed the company because james told me long ago that the best second date is always located at the supermarket. especially a post-one-night-stand second date. “there’s something about the produce” james always says. he believes it’s an organic arena for one to show off his or her wit in a new form with every passing aisle. this includes the counter-wit you will encounter from your suitor(ee).

keisha had me matched as far as wit was concerned. she kinda effortlessly gives me a run for my money in this department which i must say makes me want to punch her in the butt. next thing you know she’s gonna pick up my guitar and be vastly superior in the musical arena. this feels like a power struggle but I have the trump card: i don’t give a shit.

low and behold, her musical (guitar specific) skills were nonexistent. there’s this song i learned how to play from bayside entitle landing feet first. it’s a very pretty song. i’ll have to copy some of the lyrics down for you all to enjoy. none the less, this song is pretty easy to play and it talks about meeting someone new and feeling comfortable with them blah, blah, blah. independent research led to a breakthrough in the science of eduard getting laid. 1 part wine, 1 part ordered food, 1 part comedy movie, 1 part playing landing feet first (the wine and food must be in controlled quantities so as to not put your audience to sleep). when all of these components come together, there has been a 98% success rate. there was this stupid chick fariel that couldn’t take it easy on the wine and i wound up only getting a hand job. fucking wine.

for all of her “superiority,” or so i continue to allow her to believe, keisha fell victim to the formula. there was something different about this time though. it was slower, more passionate, and we wound up doing it 3 times. my balls ached. obviously it was good but it was different. just different, i dunno.

it was late and she decided to stay which i agreed to only because i truly could not see straight. between the wine, the endless sex leading to the aching balls, and the goddamn air conditioner with its fucking noisiness, my vision and judgement were beyond impaired. so no objections from me. we slept and again I awoke to breakfast. same move as before with the exception of the ass grab and not knowing how old she was. she left so of course I called james to brag.

james lives in miami, downtown miami to be specific, and is the proud owner of a thriving social life. he’s still humble and grounded though. not the typical miamian. so to say that i was ok with heading down to miami with him for a couple of days would be a gross understatement.

"i just read it for the articles"

Tue, 23 Dec 2008 12:00:12 -0500

“i just read it for the articles”

- michelle - she has a free subscription to playboy and can’t figure out why. life is hard it would seem